Rain Rain Go Away

I'm sitting on her bed, just waiting- riding out the latest stall tactic- desperately just wanting the lights OUT. My husband stands by her in the other room- glazed over- just staring nowhere special, I'm sure feeling the same way as me.

She cares nothing of putting herself to bed. First her babies must be swaddled and sung to, prayed for and then lovingly placed down.

Our schedule, is clearly not her schedule.

I listen as she sings "Rain Rain Go Away." First, inserting her baby brother's name, then... Her dad interrupts- "Ok" he says, "Time to get to bed."
"No! No! No!" She yells. He doesn't realize the song isn't over just because it was sung all the way through. It's not over until each family member has had their turn.

I find myself wanting to protect this ritual for her.

Once she is heard and understood, she picks up where she has left off. "Little mommy wants to play... Little daddy wants to play" etc.
After each person has had their turn, she places her baby to sleep and walks herself into her room for bed.

No stalling, no battle. Lots of peace.

My mind wanders. There is a purpose in what she is doing. Every word, every verse, even the way she swaddled her babies- intentional. When that is uninterrupted, everything seems to fall into place. She even (gasp!) becomes aware of my needs!

She is aware and she should be trusted.

I start thinking about God. I'm thankful for our relationship but if I'm honest it isn't always ... easy.

Why not?

He says things to me like "Give me your burdens."
He says He will provide everything I need.
He says, He is aware and can be trusted. 

That sounds easy. But it's not, and I'm starting to understand why.

My control.
My agenda.

In a world where I am encouraged to take pride in how much control I have over my life (ahem, and my children), it seems God is once again calling me higher.

"The Lord God is my strength, and He will make my feet like hinds' feet, and He will make me to walk upon high places." Habakkuk 3:19