*** Disclaimer: The first half of this post is dripping with exaggeration and sarcasm. I know my husband will read this and say "welllllll, that's not entirely true." I'm going to extremes to make a point. Just keep reading!
It's becoming pretty clear to me, and probably to you, if you have been following this blog, that I struggle with control issues. I even considered renaming this blog to "control freaks anonymous" but I discovered something like this already exists. So then I considered joining the group. Kidding. Sort of.
You can imagine what happens when a struggling freak has a second baby. First baby slept so well, did everything so well... so second baby will too, if treated in the same. exact. way.
Let's just all take a minute and LOL over that one.
Well, that was me. Our first was a delightful little peach. Our lives didn't change much at all in the beginning. We took her everywhere and she just willingly and happily hung out. She was the definition of a baby who CHILLED. She LOVED a schedule. She loved consistency. So she was the PERFECT baby for me. She fit so well into my little controlled atmosphere.
People would comment. I would smile. Life was sweet.
Other people would have babies and they would ask "What did you do???" I would tell them of my "perfect" little routine that worked so well for us, and encouraged them (because OF COURSE it was the way we swaddled her, the way we sang to her, the way we fed her and napped her and bathed her....) that our way would work for them too!
But it didn't always.
Then I would hear the common excuse of "every baby is different." You've heard it too, right? I would smile and nod, secretly thinking... "no... every baby is the same, you just aren't doing this parenting thing RIGHT."
If you want, please take another moment and LOL.
Then I had a second baby.
Although, we lived in a different apartment, I set it up the exact same way. Bassinet by the bed, nap nanny on the kitchen floor, burp cloths strategically placed around the house. I made sure the oldest was potty trained and binky free. (Only need to deal with ONE baby at a time, people!!) There were locks on the refrigerator, the bathroom door, and the closets, so that when I couldn't see the oldest I would know she was safe. She had a basket of special toys for when the baby had to nurse and everything was going to be JUST WONDERFUL.
Do it again. LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
Holy MOTHER! WHY DIDN'T THE SECOND BABY WANT HIS BINKY?!
Why did he want to nurse ALL the time?!
As I stood by his bassinet, with him swaddled the "right" way, rocking him the "right"way so that he would get just sleepy enough to put down but not totally asleep, singing the SAME song I would sing to the first kid every time she would nap, and forcefully shoving the binky into his mouth.
I heard the whisper.
It said "Learn your baby."
WHAT?
"Learn your baby."
Oh. Damn.
What now?
I stopped rocking him. I held him. I let him sleep in my arms (just this ONE time, of course!). I took a big deep breath and let those words wash over me.
It was so easy to forget that this little baby was a special unique human being who had a special and unique personality.
There was no time to spend in babyland with a 2 year old toddler bouncing around. He was forgotten about all. the. time.
I actually remember being at a party when he was about 3 months old when someone asked me what my son's name was. I stared at them for a long time until they (finally) said "Is it Simon?"
I had COMPLETELY forgotten I had a son!!
It was time to take a step back and make a plan with God. Slow down, and figure out this baby. Slow down and love the beautifulness that he brought to the table.
In doing this, I have learned SO much about each of my children. Because of their differences I get to know them better. Because of their differences I am expanding my parenting abilities. Because of their differences I am
giving up control.
God is able to mold me and shape me more into the person He created me to be.
I get to spend time with God journaling and brainstorming how to raise each child. (see picture above from my last session)
It's not the same. Our parenting is always based on some of the same principles such as respect, love and boundaries; but these look different for each of them.
This makes me think of how many children God has. We are all different, but sometimes we expect Him to treat us all the same. Or even worse... we judge others because of how they feel God is dealing with them.
EEEEK.
God is BIG. We are intricate. He made us and He knows how to care for each of us.
It doesn't look the same.
I wonder how much more unified the church may look, if we could grasp this.
How much more love would be flying around??
Thanks God, thankful for this lesson. Rip the control, rip the RELIGION right out of me. I'm ready.
Are you?
