Dang right, you must get that from your mother! Part two.

Finally!! A minute to sit and get the second part of this enormous lesson out of my head.

It's becoming more and more clear to me that we become parents not only to, and maybe I will even dare to say, NOT to parent new humans, but to explore and learn and be guided in a whole new side of ourselves that God put in us for HIS purposes.

It (being life, everything in life) is always about our relationship with him. Always. It never isn't.

And yes, of course, to achieve all of the goodness God has on this parenting journey, we must in fact be PARENTS, but ultimately we are ALL His children. He has us. He has them.

We are just standing in--

and in my little opinion, it's not because he needs us to. It's because we need us to.

Mind. Blown.

I think about my dear Simon boy a lot. I love him. I take care of him. I can tell you his schedule, I can sort of tell you his likes, I can definitely tell you his dislikes-- and I can tell you most of this in the context of Judah-- his big sister. Naturally, he is the stereotypical second child. I have in fact, not only forgotten his name, but I have forgotten he exists.

For instance, Simon likes when Judah jumps up and down. Simon doesn't like Judah to take toys from him. Meal times are mostly about screaming for food because I am not only focused on feeding him but also feeding his sister. These said screaming sessions, lead me to believe that he really likes to eat... so forth and so on. I learn about him, mostly because of his interactions with his big sister.

and this isn't bad, it is what it is.

 He was born into a family with a sister who likes to manage, likes to talk, a lot, likes to oversee and organize-- He will be the person he was destined to be largely because of the circumstances he was born into. Hence why many first borns, second borns etc. are predictable in many ways.

 Anyway, Simon was in his 10th month of life and really didn't have any words at all.

 NOW before anyone starts thinking that I am expecting too much, or thinking that I think he should be more like his sister-- that's not what this is about. I am the SPOKESPERSON for kids developing on their own timelines-- and not forcing anything on them.
I wasn't concerned about his speech or development.

I was concerned for my sanity.

I couldn't take the screaming and yelling for what he needed (specifically at meal times) anymore. My head was about to explode.

I remember the day. Just looking up to the heavens. Oh dear LORD, why won't this kid just TALK?!

And I remember so clearly the answer.

"You talk about him. You talk around him. How often do you talk to him?"

GULP.

That was it. I sat down. I looked at him. "Simon, it seems like you need something. Can I get you some more?"

This seems elementary. I know. It is!

But when you have 8,576,000 things to do and think about at one time and then a preschooler QUESTIONING your every move--- you don't take much time to talk to the screamer! You hear the scream and you do whatever has to be done to MAKE IT STOP.

Two days later he was asking for more. Praise you sweet Jesus. Seriously.

This got me thinking. God wanted me to focus on Simon. To build an intentional connection with him- an intentional relationship.

Through this seemingly small change, Simon was able to move into his full potential at the moment.

Relationship matters.

What would happen if we focused our energy for just one day, even, on being super intentional in our love and communication with the people around us? Would they, in turn, move into their full potential? Would we all feel more alive?

What would happen if we stopped talking about God-- but made a significant effort to speak with him. What would happen if we actually made our relationship with Jesus, a relationship that we pursued with focus, discipline and intention?

I bet there would be a change. I bet we would hear him. I bet prayers wouldn't seem so distant. We would know Him, and I bet His realness to us-- would be the light that we need to shine in darkness.

I hope that I can continue to pursue intentional relationships in my life. I hope my children see that,
and I hope that I hear one day I hear someone say to them, "You must get that from your mother!"

Update: Dang right, you must get that from your mother! Part One.

I just have so much to get out in this tiny blog post.

These lessons, these thoughts and ideas... they dance around in my head taking up precious space. I make lists so I don't forget, but it doesn't matter. The dance doesn't end until I get them OUT. So this blog... this is for me, mostly. I share because it's nice to know I'm not alone. And if I think that, than you probably think it's nice to know YOU aren't alone. So I'm sharing.

But mostly... I just need to get it out.

Today there is just too much. Too much to get out in the minute amount of time between my eyes holding themselves open and my eyes giving up the fight. So this post will probably continue on, for one, maybe two, more times. Bear with me. I hope it all comes together.

I'll start with an update. Awhile ago when I wrote this post, I was feeling like a major failure as a mom. I was feeling like a fanatical, crazy, looney person. It was one of those moments when I couldn't have been more grateful that Mary lost Jesus.

I felt like my kids were turning out terribly. I felt like they were learning awful habits and inheriting crazy mindsets and obsessive behaviors from me. ME! The one who was supposed to be their example.

The one who they spend 99% of their time with was losing her mind.

Well, I just have to update here. So that I know that at some point in my life I was capable of change. I was capable of seeing a mistake and changing it-- even if it's not consistent, even if it doesn't last forever. I am still malleable and teachable. And that's what matters right? No one is perfect, but if God can change us, if He can move us, then theres HOPE.

Phew.

Since that blog post, my floor is crumby, and sticky. There's clutter around-- and I do freak out. I do feel my heart beat a bit faster, but not nearly as much. I have made it a point to spend more time with music on. I have made it a point to pray out loud more, to worship out loud more. I have made it a point to be silly and to use my imagination. I have even made it a point to spend more time outside.

This is what I hear from J now:

"Mom, we forgot to pray! Can you pray for us?"
or
"I think I'll pray by myself tonight."

(She even found her own little spot on the night stand where she talks to God in the sweetest little whisper, and thanks Him for nearly everything imaginable).

I hardly ever hear "It's a mess in here!" Instead I hear randomly throughout the day...
"Mom, I just love you."
"Simon, buddy, I love you."
"Hey Dad? I love you."

ALL. THE. TIME.

The other day after we visited a friend, J and I decided to pick up dinner for everyone back at home. I pulled into a parking spot in the Chipotle plaza, J yells out, "Mom! You did it! You made it to Chipotle! Great job!"

And she thanks us frequently for the smallest things.

She is developing the most thankful, kind, loving and encouraging heart.

My eyes well up and my throat gets lumpy, but not for the same reasons as before.

I see it. I see Him moving. As He changes and molds me into the full expression of who I was created to be-- she is released to be who He has created her to be too.

Wow.

Taking a step back and realizing where we are broken, realizing where we are in need of a grace-filled God is not only necessary for our personal development and well-being, it's necessary for our kid's as well.

This parenting thing-- this is NOT what I signed up for. It's kind of better ;)

Learn your baby

*** Disclaimer: The first half of this post is dripping with exaggeration and sarcasm. I know my husband will read this and say "welllllll, that's not entirely true." I'm going to extremes to make a point. Just keep reading!

It's becoming pretty clear to me, and probably to you, if you have been following this blog, that I struggle with control issues. I even considered renaming this blog to "control freaks anonymous" but I discovered something like this already exists. So then I considered joining the group. Kidding. Sort of.

You can imagine what happens when a struggling freak has a second baby. First baby slept so well, did everything so well... so second baby will too, if treated in the same. exact. way.

Let's just all take a minute and LOL over that one.

Well, that was me. Our first was a delightful little peach. Our lives didn't change much at all in the beginning. We took her everywhere and she just willingly and happily hung out. She was the definition of a baby who CHILLED. She LOVED a schedule. She loved consistency. So she was the PERFECT baby for me. She fit so well into my little controlled atmosphere.

People would comment. I would smile. Life was sweet.

Other people would have babies and they would ask "What did you do???" I would tell them of my "perfect" little routine that worked so well for us, and encouraged them (because OF COURSE it was the way we swaddled her, the way we sang to her, the way we fed her and napped her and bathed her....) that our way would work for them too!

But it didn't always.

Then I would hear the common excuse of "every baby is different." You've heard it too, right? I would smile and nod, secretly thinking... "no... every baby is the same, you just aren't doing this parenting thing RIGHT."

If you want,  please take another moment and LOL.

Then I had a second baby.

Although, we lived in a different apartment, I set it up the exact same way. Bassinet by the bed, nap nanny on the kitchen floor, burp cloths strategically placed around the house. I made sure the oldest was potty trained and binky free. (Only need to deal with ONE baby at a time, people!!) There were locks on the refrigerator, the bathroom door, and the closets, so that when I couldn't see the oldest I would know she was safe. She had a basket of special toys for when the baby had to nurse and everything was going to be JUST WONDERFUL.

Do it again. LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!

Holy MOTHER! WHY DIDN'T THE SECOND BABY WANT HIS BINKY?!

Why did he want to nurse ALL the time?!

As I stood by his bassinet, with him swaddled the "right"  way, rocking him the "right"way so that he would get just sleepy enough to put down but not totally asleep, singing the SAME song I would sing to the first kid every time she would nap, and forcefully shoving the binky into his mouth.

I heard the whisper.

It said "Learn your baby."

WHAT?

"Learn your baby."

Oh. Damn.

What now?

I stopped rocking him. I held him. I let him sleep in my arms (just this ONE time, of course!). I took a big deep breath and let those words wash over me.

It was so easy to forget that this little baby was a special unique human being who had a special and unique personality.

There was no time to spend in babyland with a 2 year old toddler bouncing around. He was forgotten about all. the. time.

I actually remember being at a party when he was about 3 months old when someone asked me what my son's name was. I stared at them for a long time until they (finally) said "Is it Simon?"

I had COMPLETELY forgotten I had a son!!

It was time to take a step back and make a plan with God. Slow down, and figure out this baby. Slow down and love the beautifulness that he brought to the table.

In doing this, I have learned SO much about each of my children. Because of their differences I get to know them better. Because of their differences I am expanding my parenting abilities. Because of their differences I am

giving up control.

God is able to mold me and shape me more into the person He created me to be.

I get to spend time with God journaling and brainstorming how to raise each child. (see picture above from my last session)

It's not the same. Our parenting is always based on some of the same principles such as respect, love and boundaries; but these look different for each of them.

This makes me think of how many children God has. We are all different, but sometimes we expect Him to treat us all the same. Or even worse... we judge others because of how they feel God is dealing with them.

EEEEK.

God is BIG. We are intricate. He made us and He knows how to care for each of us.

It doesn't look the same.

I wonder how much more unified the church may look, if we could grasp this.

How much more love would be flying around??

Thanks God, thankful for this lesson. Rip the control, rip the RELIGION right out of me. I'm ready.

Are you?